"Myself, my sister, and a few others. We were headed into town for a festival, and just so happened upon a plague caused by the archdemons uprising." He turned his hand to gently grip Viktor's. "Many people died, but I was able to cure the plague and we banished the demon. But he will return — I am sure of that. And he haunts me still with visions of those creatures and the people I could not save. Even here, it seems, I can't avoid it."
Viktor's frown deepens. Xander cured a plague, banished a demon, and his reward is to be haunted by his own gruesome memories and perceived failings. It's truly awful.
He holds a dark-skinned hand tenderly in one of his and places his other atop it, much the way Xander did to him on the beach.
"You do not deserve such suffering, Xander."
Viktor thinks for a few more moments, quiet.
"Perhaps he plagues you in particular because he knows how strong you are. How much a threat. He wants to sow self-doubt in you... So that you might be weakened the next time you meet."
Thus, it's important that Xander keep his strength and will to go on, but what a terrible burden to bear alone.
"Is there anything I can do to support you in this?"
Xander placed his other hand atop Viktor's for that quadruple decker hand sandwich again. Something that may very well just become habit of they kept it up.
"You are likely right. That is why I have been teaching my son all I know — I do not want to force him or any of my children to have to fight this demon, but if I am not here, I fear they may not have a choice." And there's no way the lord of rats hadn't cursed his entire bloodline at this point.
He smiled and squeezed Viktor's hand. "This is more than enough. I merely wished to warn you — my hallucinations come mostly in high stress situations, but they can be just as random. I just wanted you to be prepared, if we were to be together more often."
It will become their signature hand sandwich, at this rate.
Viktor shakes his head slowly at the idea that Xander's children will have to face this demon eventually as well. It's an awful thought, but... It does seem likely, from what little he knows of demons.
"Of course. Do not worry about me. Should one occur, I will ensure you are safe and do my best to calm you." He wishes there was more he could do, but he doesn't think his healing powers would touch something mental (and supernatural) like this. "And if there is ever anything more you can think of that would help, let me know."
Just knowing that Viktor would be there if he needed him seemed enough for Xander, who smiled warmly at him in reply.
"I appreciate your willingness to assist me, and thank you for understanding. It is not something that I speak of easily — although I find speaking with you about anything is very easy. Never have I met someone like you, Viktor, who seems to understand me on a level many cannot."
"I am grateful you told me." And he's honoured that Xander trusts him with such a personal and difficult story. He flips his upper hand to take Xander's and lift it, kissing his knuckles gently as one might with royalty.
"I do not usually... Allow myself to connect with others on this level. Or perhaps I should say, I do not allow others to see me enough to connect with me, because I am afraid of their judgment, and of rejection... But with you, it is easy. I know that you will not judge me." Not least because they have so much in common, but also because Xander is a kind and non-judgmental person.
Xander truly was an anomaly in the Empire — where human nobles like him ruled and reigned above all. But as a physician, he felt it his duty to never be biased. Everyone needed his help — human, elf, dwarf, or any other — and he could never deny anyone aid if he had the ability to render it. He would never judge anyone, and he certainly never thought to judge Viktor, just like he knew the other man had never judged him.
The blush in his cheeks darkened, and he had to clear his throat to reorient himself.
"Then I am honored you would allow me to be close to you. If there is anything you think I must know, I hope you will share it."
"Ah-- hmm." Viktor hums very quietly, looking up toward the branches above him as he thinks of anything important Xander should know.
"Well... You know that I am dying. In Piltover, my death is weeks, perhaps days, away. Visitors sometimes... Disappear randomly, from Caldera, and return to their worlds. Sometimes, their gem is left behind, which means they will be back. Other times, they disappear and so does their gem, which means it is permanent. If I were to disappear... It would likely be the latter. And even if we found a cure here, there is no guarantee that this cure would transfer over to my world. It is also possible that once back home, I would not even remember my time here."
Viktor frowns. That is the saddest part, he thinks. Not being able to say goodbye, and not even keeping his memories of Xander and Skan and Barcus and the others.
"There is the option to stay here permanently... But then I would be this sick permanently. And... I... I don't think I am strong enough." He admits this with sorrow. Being this ill is... So hard.
He looks back at Xander, then down at their hands. Holding on to each other as though there is not delicious food and wine they could be picking up.
"So... I suppose what I mean to say is that... We do not know when our time together will end, and it could be rather soon. There may be absolutely no way to save me. If this makes you reluctant to form more of a commitment to me, I would understand, Xander."
That was a lot to take in. The good news — in a somewhat bleak way — was that Xander had never thought he would have something like this again in his life. The fact that he even had the chance was more than enough.
And he couldn't bring himself to blame Viktor for not wanting to live with his illness forever, even if it meant clinging to life a little longer. Xander let his gaze drop to their joined hands for a long moment before lifting his eyes again to meet Viktor's.
"I will not give up hope of finding a cure," he said softly. "And I will not give up on us. We have only had a short time together — and it may not last long — but I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend with you."
Viktor smiles slightly, soft and sad. He leans forward, touches their foreheads together.
"I feel the same. I am learning to be grateful for every day I spend here, even when it is hard, because it is a gift of more time I would not otherwise have. I will treat my days with you as precious, because that is what they are."
He pulls back slightly, rubs Xander's knuckles with his thumb.
"And I hope knowing this doesn't cause you to search too doggedly for a cure. If you are always working, we won't get that time back." Viktor should write that one down too, huh. "I will try to abide by the same rule."
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He holds a dark-skinned hand tenderly in one of his and places his other atop it, much the way Xander did to him on the beach.
"You do not deserve such suffering, Xander."
Viktor thinks for a few more moments, quiet.
"Perhaps he plagues you in particular because he knows how strong you are. How much a threat. He wants to sow self-doubt in you... So that you might be weakened the next time you meet."
Thus, it's important that Xander keep his strength and will to go on, but what a terrible burden to bear alone.
"Is there anything I can do to support you in this?"
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"You are likely right. That is why I have been teaching my son all I know — I do not want to force him or any of my children to have to fight this demon, but if I am not here, I fear they may not have a choice." And there's no way the lord of rats hadn't cursed his entire bloodline at this point.
He smiled and squeezed Viktor's hand. "This is more than enough. I merely wished to warn you — my hallucinations come mostly in high stress situations, but they can be just as random. I just wanted you to be prepared, if we were to be together more often."
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Viktor shakes his head slowly at the idea that Xander's children will have to face this demon eventually as well. It's an awful thought, but... It does seem likely, from what little he knows of demons.
"Of course. Do not worry about me. Should one occur, I will ensure you are safe and do my best to calm you." He wishes there was more he could do, but he doesn't think his healing powers would touch something mental (and supernatural) like this. "And if there is ever anything more you can think of that would help, let me know."
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"I appreciate your willingness to assist me, and thank you for understanding. It is not something that I speak of easily — although I find speaking with you about anything is very easy. Never have I met someone like you, Viktor, who seems to understand me on a level many cannot."
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"I am grateful you told me." And he's honoured that Xander trusts him with such a personal and difficult story. He flips his upper hand to take Xander's and lift it, kissing his knuckles gently as one might with royalty.
"I do not usually... Allow myself to connect with others on this level. Or perhaps I should say, I do not allow others to see me enough to connect with me, because I am afraid of their judgment, and of rejection... But with you, it is easy. I know that you will not judge me." Not least because they have so much in common, but also because Xander is a kind and non-judgmental person.
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The blush in his cheeks darkened, and he had to clear his throat to reorient himself.
"Then I am honored you would allow me to be close to you. If there is anything you think I must know, I hope you will share it."
no subject
"Well... You know that I am dying. In Piltover, my death is weeks, perhaps days, away. Visitors sometimes... Disappear randomly, from Caldera, and return to their worlds. Sometimes, their gem is left behind, which means they will be back. Other times, they disappear and so does their gem, which means it is permanent. If I were to disappear... It would likely be the latter. And even if we found a cure here, there is no guarantee that this cure would transfer over to my world. It is also possible that once back home, I would not even remember my time here."
Viktor frowns. That is the saddest part, he thinks. Not being able to say goodbye, and not even keeping his memories of Xander and Skan and Barcus and the others.
"There is the option to stay here permanently... But then I would be this sick permanently. And... I... I don't think I am strong enough." He admits this with sorrow. Being this ill is... So hard.
He looks back at Xander, then down at their hands. Holding on to each other as though there is not delicious food and wine they could be picking up.
"So... I suppose what I mean to say is that... We do not know when our time together will end, and it could be rather soon. There may be absolutely no way to save me. If this makes you reluctant to form more of a commitment to me, I would understand, Xander."
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And he couldn't bring himself to blame Viktor for not wanting to live with his illness forever, even if it meant clinging to life a little longer. Xander let his gaze drop to their joined hands for a long moment before lifting his eyes again to meet Viktor's.
"I will not give up hope of finding a cure," he said softly. "And I will not give up on us. We have only had a short time together — and it may not last long — but I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend with you."
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"I feel the same. I am learning to be grateful for every day I spend here, even when it is hard, because it is a gift of more time I would not otherwise have. I will treat my days with you as precious, because that is what they are."
He pulls back slightly, rubs Xander's knuckles with his thumb.
"And I hope knowing this doesn't cause you to search too doggedly for a cure. If you are always working, we won't get that time back." Viktor should write that one down too, huh. "I will try to abide by the same rule."