"Ah-- hmm." Viktor hums very quietly, looking up toward the branches above him as he thinks of anything important Xander should know.
"Well... You know that I am dying. In Piltover, my death is weeks, perhaps days, away. Visitors sometimes... Disappear randomly, from Caldera, and return to their worlds. Sometimes, their gem is left behind, which means they will be back. Other times, they disappear and so does their gem, which means it is permanent. If I were to disappear... It would likely be the latter. And even if we found a cure here, there is no guarantee that this cure would transfer over to my world. It is also possible that once back home, I would not even remember my time here."
Viktor frowns. That is the saddest part, he thinks. Not being able to say goodbye, and not even keeping his memories of Xander and Skan and Barcus and the others.
"There is the option to stay here permanently... But then I would be this sick permanently. And... I... I don't think I am strong enough." He admits this with sorrow. Being this ill is... So hard.
He looks back at Xander, then down at their hands. Holding on to each other as though there is not delicious food and wine they could be picking up.
"So... I suppose what I mean to say is that... We do not know when our time together will end, and it could be rather soon. There may be absolutely no way to save me. If this makes you reluctant to form more of a commitment to me, I would understand, Xander."
That was a lot to take in. The good news — in a somewhat bleak way — was that Xander had never thought he would have something like this again in his life. The fact that he even had the chance was more than enough.
And he couldn't bring himself to blame Viktor for not wanting to live with his illness forever, even if it meant clinging to life a little longer. Xander let his gaze drop to their joined hands for a long moment before lifting his eyes again to meet Viktor's.
"I will not give up hope of finding a cure," he said softly. "And I will not give up on us. We have only had a short time together — and it may not last long — but I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend with you."
Viktor smiles slightly, soft and sad. He leans forward, touches their foreheads together.
"I feel the same. I am learning to be grateful for every day I spend here, even when it is hard, because it is a gift of more time I would not otherwise have. I will treat my days with you as precious, because that is what they are."
He pulls back slightly, rubs Xander's knuckles with his thumb.
"And I hope knowing this doesn't cause you to search too doggedly for a cure. If you are always working, we won't get that time back." Viktor should write that one down too, huh. "I will try to abide by the same rule."
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"Well... You know that I am dying. In Piltover, my death is weeks, perhaps days, away. Visitors sometimes... Disappear randomly, from Caldera, and return to their worlds. Sometimes, their gem is left behind, which means they will be back. Other times, they disappear and so does their gem, which means it is permanent. If I were to disappear... It would likely be the latter. And even if we found a cure here, there is no guarantee that this cure would transfer over to my world. It is also possible that once back home, I would not even remember my time here."
Viktor frowns. That is the saddest part, he thinks. Not being able to say goodbye, and not even keeping his memories of Xander and Skan and Barcus and the others.
"There is the option to stay here permanently... But then I would be this sick permanently. And... I... I don't think I am strong enough." He admits this with sorrow. Being this ill is... So hard.
He looks back at Xander, then down at their hands. Holding on to each other as though there is not delicious food and wine they could be picking up.
"So... I suppose what I mean to say is that... We do not know when our time together will end, and it could be rather soon. There may be absolutely no way to save me. If this makes you reluctant to form more of a commitment to me, I would understand, Xander."
no subject
And he couldn't bring himself to blame Viktor for not wanting to live with his illness forever, even if it meant clinging to life a little longer. Xander let his gaze drop to their joined hands for a long moment before lifting his eyes again to meet Viktor's.
"I will not give up hope of finding a cure," he said softly. "And I will not give up on us. We have only had a short time together — and it may not last long — but I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend with you."
no subject
"I feel the same. I am learning to be grateful for every day I spend here, even when it is hard, because it is a gift of more time I would not otherwise have. I will treat my days with you as precious, because that is what they are."
He pulls back slightly, rubs Xander's knuckles with his thumb.
"And I hope knowing this doesn't cause you to search too doggedly for a cure. If you are always working, we won't get that time back." Viktor should write that one down too, huh. "I will try to abide by the same rule."